Small Town, Volume I

Since I live half way across the country from my hometown (a small farming community) among the cornfields of Illinois, my parents thought it would be nice to send me a subscription to our hometown newspaper.  While it’s been 10 years since I called this town my own, I am always amused by the antics of our city council/county board (it’s like a dramatic version of a high school student council) and it’s fun to see who’s dead, getting married, engaged, or arrested – or angry in the Letters to the Editor.  Or reading about the kids I used to baby sit — cuz they just made the Dean’s list at their college.  Heh.

One of the best parts of the paper is police news.  Here in the greater Wilmington area, we are bombarded with a crime rate that is well above the national average – everything from shoot outs with police, murders, drug deals gone bad, gang violence – you name it, it’s happened here.  Yet in my small home town, the “crimes” that make the news often make me laugh – some are actually serious crimes – but most of them are not.  Here’s some of this past week’s happenings*:

  • An 18″ bone found in the river Saturday by 2 fishermen has been identified as a bovine femur, or cow’s leg bone.  The police were called after the fishermen spotted the bone washed up [on the bank].
  • A resident called police after finding her mailbox in the middle of the street.  Police said it appeared the mailbox was blown up.  Damage was estimated at $50.
  • Police were called when a small fire was discovered in a pallet behind a business downtown.  Only minor damage was reported.
  • Someone abandoned a lawn mower on 12 July on a residential street.

* This was only edited to keep the location unknown.  These actually were reported.

My favorite one still is the guy who got busted with a bag of pot in his pocket….while at the courthouse.  C’mon!  That’s just plain stupid.  And I hate to admit it, but my parents actually reported a mailbox-related crime not too long ago.  I cringed when I saw my street name and knew it was them.  It was something minor, not worth reporting.

Ah, small towns.  Stay tuned for Voume II.


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