I’m not much of a partier, but a friend from work was having a “let’s blow off steam” party at his house. He’s a really sweet guy and I thought it would be a fun event. I grabbed The General after work and we headed over to the other side of town for the festivities.
I think I’m too adult. It wasn’t an adult party. It was a college party with veins of work. And oh my goodness.
We arrived at the house, mind you, where 3 recent college grad boys live. It was a quintessential college boy house: sparsely furnished, decorated with beer posters, a beer pong table, and an epic patio that made me jealous (hello hottub!). It was clean, but obvious there was no female influence.
Everyone, except me and 2 other people who were driving, were drunk. It got loud. Really loud. I’m surprised the cops weren’t called for noise ordinance violation. The fun part came when we were around the fire pit out back: one of my quiet co-workers was beyond drunk and talking loud about everything. Once I joined the circle, I quickly became a topic of conversation. “You know who hates your guts?” she asked. Uh-oh. And then she proceeds to tell me about all the knives in my back. Wonderful, just what I wanted to hear.
Oh, the truth serum of alcohol.
It got better: next topic of conversation was my butt. For those of you who don’t know me, I’ve got a big rear end. I’m a pear shape body. My hip measurements are 40″. Yes, I’m bigger than Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian by a few inches. My black co-worker summed it up: “You’re built like a black woman.” I started laughing. I laughed because I knew it was true. I am. Then they all joked that it’s what attracted my husband to me. A “Woo!” from The General across the way made everyone bust out laughing.
After awhile, I turned into the den mom. “You’re not having another beer until you finish this glass of water, ” I said to drunk girl who was enlightening me about who is upset with me, as she’s attempting to open a pop cap on a beer bottle with a kitchen knife. Luckily the host picked up on it and made her a gin and tonic with a lime…..and no gin. She didn’t know the difference. We smiled knowingly at each other. Even though he was drunk, he still had a frame of mind to keep his eye on what was going on. I cleaned up the kitchen. I reset the time on the microwave so it matched the stove. I got cornered by a drunk stranger who was a few inches from my face spouting off racial issues. It was quite a night!
The night had it’s success: I found a penny in the bathroom. After talking with another co-worker in another department, I found that she traveled to Germany and speaks a little German! Sweet! I have someone to talk to in German now!
We left around 2am and finally made it to bed around 0330.
Yup, college party. Stone cold sober.