Jersey Shore auf Deutsch

Never in my wildest dreams have thought that I, a Christian/college educated/professional woman, would ever watch Jersey Shore, let alone watch it with a notebook and writing stuff down.  Ah, the joys of watching trashy American TV with German subtitles!  Because my job is so cerebral, I think this is a great way to unwind.  Is it wholesome?  Not in the least.  But it lets my mind go.  So far I’ve learned useful phrases such as:

“Ruf ein Taxi!” Call a cab!

“Vinny ist weg!” Vinny is gone!

“Wie findest du die brueste?” What do you think of the boobs?

“Poppen” – a vulgar term for sex.  (My translation software didn’t even know it.  I had to google it and find it on an urban dictionary.)

It’s slowly coming together, but it is nice to see how things translate.  I keep hitting pause so I can use my software to further translate.  Some other things I have noticed about Jersey Shore, now that I’m through half a season:

  • For people who have a beach house, they are never at the beach.  What is up with that?  I’d be out there all the time.  My camera crew would be sunburnt.
  • Why on earth would you tan in a bed when you have a beach house?  Or go to gym?   Hello!  Morning run on the beach?
  • I know there are guys out there who pull girls from clubs, take them home, and then call them a cab before the sun rises.  I just never expected to see it on TV every time they go out clubbing. Which is every night.  Good grief, they must be tired.
  • I wonder if MTV gives them STD checks/test every few weeks.  Because they should.
  • I never realized how common weave/extensions were.  They’re so expensive!
  • I know, especially from my younger days, it’s fun to get dressed up and go out clubbing.  But every night at the same few spots?  I’d get bored.  Also, there’s no way I could drink that much.  The enzyme doo-dad that breaks down alcohol is not plentiful in my body.  I have a low tolerance and I aim to keep it that way.  These guys are professionals.
  • They work at a t-shirt shop on the boardwalk – this is the closest they come to the beach on film – and they either don’t show up, show up late, or go AWOL.  I know it’s not a “real job” and they have contracts with MTV, but still……it just shows poor character in my opinion.
  • The only thing they take seriously on the show is drinking.
  • I could never hang out at the house.  I would not have sex with any of them.  I would not (and could not) drink with them every night.  I have very little tolerance for drama in my face.  I’d turn into den mom/buzz kill.
  • They don’t do dishes and apparently MTV does not have a maid come in either, so their kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it — I’d be cleaning the entire time.  I’d be excited for everyone to go to the club so I could sweep and vacuum.  OMG, I’d be the old lady.
  • One of the hilarious lost-in-translation bits is “The Jersey Turnpike Dance:” to do this you put your hands on the floor and shake your butt in the air.  I only know this because I looked it up on the internet.  Jersey Turnpike Dance does not translate.  They call it “bück-dich-tanz:” literately the “bend-you-[over]-dance.” It’s stuff like that I’m trying to get a handle on — some things just don’t translate.  At all.
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