It’s been interesting in my head lately. I feel the winds of change drifting the sands in my world. It’s a season, no doubt, but I’m still trying to get my footing.
Work has been especially trying. With all the changes, I’m not sure where my place is anymore. I’m grateful for the new help, but now I feel I’m displaced, a cog in the wheel – on the fringe of what’s going on. I don’t know where I fit in the big picture. I find out things by corperate email, not in a txt msg like the others. Meh. It is what it is.
We have a new person coming to our shift who has nearly the same name I do – just one letter different. My manager confuses us, calling me by her name. When the phone rings, its hard to hear who its for now, let alone with 1 vowel different. It’s a Jenny v. Jenna conundrum.
My solution? Returning to my nickname I had since I was 12 – Jen. I went by my full name after college because it sounds more professional and the nickname is often a boy’s name – wanted to clear up that confusion. Also, it doesn’t roll off your tongue as well with my married surname. In the interest of clearer communications, I’m ready to go back.
No one, save for The General and Pat, call me that here. A new friend asked what I prefer being called after hearing Pat call me 1 thing and others call me another. It caught me off guard – its been so long since I had a conversation about that.
There are people in Illinois who only know me as “Jen” – I’m sure they know my full name, but never use it. I’ve started mentioning, “I also go by Jen” and some have started using it at work. It’s a bit of a time warp for me, but with all the other changes (like hopefully a new job – I applied again yesterday), why not change the very essence of me? It’s only a name, a label to define me, legally and metaphysically. I really do like the nickname, its just I’m not who I used to be with that name. My maiden name became my middle name because I didn’t want to shed my identity of 27 years. My birth middle name was a bland form of assonance I was more than willing to part with.
Another change, another name. I’m sure Simon Peter had the same problem. The bigger question is, should I change it in Facebook?