A Tale of 4 Weddings

In all honesty, I’m not a big fan of weddings.  Never have been.  If I had my way, I would have eloped.  Even my own wedding is rated “Meh” in my head.

And by wedding, I mean the actual ceremony.  My marriage (completely different) is pretty awesome.

I attended Charlotte’s wedding this weekend….her and Harry were so happy.  They are perfect for each other and the love that radiates around them and from them is not only true, but of the Lord.  It’s such a blessing to see that, to experience that.  I kept mulling over the wonder of it all because I have had the opposite feeling.  And if it’s one thing I get, it’s vibes.

The 1st wedding “nice.”  Okay, it was terrible.  When I left with a carload of friends in silence, one of them said out loud: “So, how long do you think it will last?”  An collective sigh was heard in the car.  The words everyone was thinking were said out in the open.  “3 years.”  “5 months”  “8 weeks.”  The correct answer came out to be 2.5 years, after much drama (I was barred from speaking to them, I was a threat!) and children.  Luckily, the less stable one made some pretty serious errors of judgement and the more stable parent got full custody once the divorce was finalized.  I understand the kids are thriving in a new marriage relationship that is not only grounded, but loving.  I no longer have any real contact with either spouse: one I miss dearly; the other, well, if we see each other again it will be too soon.

The 2nd wedding I had an up close and personal seat to the relationship.  It was rocky at best.  The fights.  The tears.  The driving half way across the state to break up only to make up and become stronger.  It was such a 1 sided relationship – I didn’t like it.  I stated my feelings, but as I was in a non-committed/messed up relationship at the time, and I was pot calling the kettle black.  By the by, a ring came, and a year later, a wedding.  The wedding was a good party and I remember having a good time.  As I walked to my car, alone, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to work.  When a couple struggles in a dating relationship on a regular basis, I didn’t think marriage would fix anything.  Nonetheless, I figured they’d have divorced before their 5th anniversary.  I was wrong.  They’re closing in on year 10 – or is it 11 now? – with a few kids living the American dream in the suburbs.  They’re both really happy.  I know they’ve had their struggles, some serious ones, but they overcame them.  How?  I don’t know.  I can only assume it was persistence.  The wife and I talk….but not deep like we used to. It’s life, as the French say.   We’re in different worlds.

The 3rd wedding was the real humdinger.  I got some seriously bad vibes about the whole thing: it’s a bad match of personalities.  It was like serving tomatoes covered in chocolate – 2 things in and of themselves that can be good, just not together.  On the other hand, who I am to say that chocolate covered tomatoes are bad?  I certainly wouldn’t eat that, but I’m sure it strikes someone’s fancy.  The date I brought to this wedding echoed my same sentiment, which made me feel worse – it wasn’t just me making this stuff up in my head.  I’ve heard through the grapevine how things are with them currently – they’re still together with no kids yet and it’s not a healthy union.  “They’ll work it out,” I was told.  I would never want to see a marriage go down in a blaze of glory, but if this couple did separate, I would not be shocked.  My contact with them is minimal at best, and honestly, unless there is outright abuse (which is not the case), the inter-workings of their marriage is none of my concern.  As the minister said, speak now or forever hold your peace.  My silence remains.

So there I was, at Charlotte’s wedding, seated next to my husband and we were both freezing (it was a windy, cold, beach wedding and I thought a strapless number was a good idea).  I couldn’t have been happier.  These 3 past weddings kept rolling around in my head and I knew this one was the exact opposite of those.  This wedding made my heart sing.

I whispered to The General the same thing I whisper at all wedding since ours: “I hope they’re as happy as we are.”