X marks the spot

I think it would be awesome if all of my ex-boyfriends got together and formed a band.  I would totally pay to go see them.

Half of my “ex’s” tho, are actually pseudo-boyfriends — er, friends with benefits I guess would be the closest thing to it; all the perks of a relationship without all that emotional commitment crap. ((The fact that I am very happily married is quite a feat in itself.))

I learned recently through a mutual friend that my ex, Lys, is engaged.  Lys was my 1st real love in college; he was my gateway drug into drinking and sex.  We lasted 3 years (with intermissions), complete with an encore presentation post college that ended with my shattered dreams and a young hot new girlfriend for him.  He was probably one of the smartest guys I knew; his logic far surpassed my own. Lys had a quick wit and was very interesting, always in some sort of adventure, like myself.  We instantly clicked.  He manipulated me emotionally and I let him – his online life via RPG was top priority over me, too.  I lost myself in him and before I knew it, my reality and identity were wrapped up in him.  When he left me (twice) for a beautiful blonde co-worker, my world came crashing down.  I lost 20 pounds, went into counseling, got alcohol poisoning one night, and basically started digging as fast as I could once I hit rock bottom.

It took several years, some medication, and a move 5 states away to really get my wits about me again.  The scars are healed, but some of the residual hurt still remains and continues to this day.  I grew accustomed to being insanely independent because he was one not to be counted on (unless it was convenient to him), and unfortunately, some of that spills into my marriage.  It’s a process, something I need to work on.

Anyway, he’s engaged to some girl I never met and have only seen in pictures on Facebook.  She’s absolutely beautiful with a gorgeous smile.  “They make a great couple,” says my source.  The last time Lys and I spoke it was at a bar, in Summer of 2005 when I finally had closure and the loose ends tied up.  It was great because I got to spend an evening with the Lys I knew once upon a time.  I knew the vile and decaying parts of him were just below the surface, but it was a good visit and we ended on good terms.  I haven’t had any contact of any sort with him since that night and I aim to keep it that way.

I know I’m not the same person I was all those years ago and I hope to God that he is not either.  My source commented that he’s grown up since, with a few minor issues.  I hope they’re right.  I wonder if his marriage will work out in the long run.  I wonder if it will turn out like me and the few other girls who got caught in his web: things are great until they become everyday mundane; and then he’s out of there in search of the next best thing. Tool said it best: “I will find a center in you, I will chew it up and leave.”

I know I can’t compare him to what he once was with me, but as my mother says, a leopard doesn’t change his spots.  I wish him nothing but the best; I would want him to say the same about me.

I asked my source one question: “Does he treat her better than he treated me?”
They replied, “Yes.”

And that is already a great start.


A New Era

Today is the 1st day that the General is on a new platoon.  We’ve always been in the same company, and now that cute guy I used stare at from across the way has moved onto another assignment.  It still hasn’t sunk in yet.  The house is so quiet now without him here.

It reminds me of my 8th grade year when our school system went onto split shifts — class didn’t start til 1045.  I had the whole morning to myself, a beautiful thing in a chaotic household.  While I embraced it then, now it just seems lonely.  I love my General and I love my alone time – but I still wish he was here.  This will be a positive change for us and our marriage – it’s just something to get used to.

The in-laws were down from the great white north and we had a blast with them.  They are such down to earth people, I really enjoyed having them here. I now understand how my General got to be so freakin’ cool.

Had our housewarming party, which went really well.  I spent yesterday sick – all day, with most of the night.  I will stick with my General and less Captain.  Yikes.  I wore my alma mater t-shirt yesterday in honor of not being so stupid since my college days.

I need a beach day – perhaps tomorrow.  I hope the surf is good.