Epic Fail, Epic Success

The reason for my prolonged absence can be summed up in 2 words: epic fail.

I’ll explain.

• Epic Fail #1:  I went for a run in my neighborhood and a large dog, who frequently barks at my from behind his electric fence, decided it was going to come after me.  And so it did.  I got attacked.  Bit.  And quiet severely.
• Epic Fail #2:  Where did I get bit, you may ask?  On the butt.  Not just anywhere on the butt, but (oh the puns!) the worst possible place:  think low.  Think middle.  Oh yes.
• Epic Fail #3:  I called The General at work in a panic – what do I do?  This had never happened before in my 15 years of jogging!  He told me to go to urgent care.  And so I did.
• Epic Fail #4:  The doc I saw was unnecessarily gorgeous and thought stitching up my largest most gaping wound (which penetrated the skin and punctured into my fat tissue) was the best thing.  Of course, this one was the most middle one.  There’s nothing like lying face down on a table with a thong on having someone stitch up your butt.
• Epic Fail #4:  2 big gun antibiotics.  Lots of gauze.  Pain.
• Epic Fail #5:  I had to go to work.  I only worked half a shift because I was in too much pain (calling in on the weekends is not allowed in health care).
• Epic Fail #6:  Unable to sit.
• Epic Fail #7:  Unable to sit comfortably until the stitches came out 9 days later.
• Epic Fail #8:  Animal Control got involved (I’ve still had no contact with the owners and I don’t care at this point) and New Hanover County has a law on the books that regardless of the medical treatment I sought, I had to go to Animal Control to show my wound to a female officer.  The nice gentleman who came to give me paperwork at my house was not allowed to view it.
• Epic Fail #9:  After a week of big gun antibiotics (which did not give me diarrhea or a yeast infection like everyone told me they would), my body on it’s own decided (much like the dog) that resistance was futile and I had a full blown reaction with an itchy rash.  Everywhere.
• Epic Fail #10:  “Doctor General” attempted to remove my stitches so I wouldn’t have to go back to hot doctor to show him my bum for a 3rd time in a week.  It didn’t work.  Had to go back to have them professional removed.
• Epic Fail #11:  Benedryl did not help the rash so we went with bigger guns: corticosteroids.  Yes.  Big ugly guns, but they made my skin stop itching and cleaned up all the splotches.
• Epic Fail #12:  Corticosteriods are their own evil:  while it fixed everything that was wrong, I’m also bloated to the point where I look like I swallowed a basketball.  I’m slightly manic.  And awake.  I have a feeling my endocrine system is going to be worked over.  I have 4 more days of this stuff.  But I’m not itching.

So it’s been one heck of a week and a half.  I went for my 1st run since “the incident” this morning and it felt great.  My butt will more than likely scar, but since thong bathing suits are not allowed at Kure Beach, I should be okay.

Oh, the other Epic Fail:  Sheba miscarried one of the twins.  The other one is touch and go at this point; they’re having another sonogram next week to determine what’s going on.  So sad.

This week was not without it’s successes, however:

• Epic Success:  My General.  Because my wound was up and around the bend (literately), I couldn’t change the dressing or put the ointment on it myself.  He was my hero.  He didn’t complain and made sure it was not infected (infection –> hospital –> iv antibiotics –> me fighting for life).  I don’t think I could have gotten through it without him.  I love my friends, but I’m not sure if I would have wanted to take our friendship to that level.
• Epic Success:  I was able to work.  My co-workers laughed at me when they heard the story, and honestly, I think I will laugh too, in about 6 months.
• Epic Success:  Miranda and Charlotte jumped out of an airplane and landed safe and sound.
• Epic Success:  Seeing The Producers with the crew downtown.
• Epic Success:  My Berlin guide finally came in the mail and so I’ve started to plan our Berlin adventure for the fall!

Ah, life.  Can’t wait to see what’s next; hopefully all my medical misfortunes are done for the year.