Happy freakin’ mother’s day. Sorry about that episiotomy, Mom.
I got a little jaded about this whole holiday and it really doesn’t mean that much to me (well, except for my Mom). I sent her and my MIL a card – and we called them on Sunday. That was all well and good.
The problem I had was at church. As I was walking (I arrived way early) to the class room, a child’s father saw me and said, “Happy mother’s day.” My face went completely blank. I’m not a mom. How do I respond? “Thank you” to be polite? “Nope, sorry, I am reproductively inept, I have a better chance of winning the lottery than having children and oh yeah — I’ve never bought a lottery ticket. But I practice a lot!” no, that sounds way too….disenchanted. So instead I said the 1st thing that popped into my head: “I have cats.”
I pride myself on thinking fast on my feet, but it just wasn’t happening that morning. “Oh,” he replied.
I was willing to let that go. Really, it rolled off my back and I kinda giggled about it. I got to my classroom and the lady from the previous service was still there, so I just stood nearby. She gave me the weirdest look, as I was off in outer space. “Well, are you going to pick up your child?” she finally asks. I saw there were 3 stragglers left. “Oh, no, I’m here for the door for the next service!” I said quickly. “Oh,” she replied.
So I got through my volunteer gig without any more people thinking I was a mom. Whew.
And then I left to attend the service and made the mistake of going through the door where the parents leave. The gentleman at the door tried to give me a reminder note they give to all parents and almost started to say, “Happy mother’s day” when I said, “No thanks, I work here.” “Oh.”
At this point I was a little bothered. I’ve kinda sorta not really questioned myself lately on if not having children was a good decision. Could we have children? Probably, with the help of modern day science, some prayer, and some luck. There’s the age thing (The General is…..old….in terms of fatherhood), the money thing, the I have the next 10 years of European travel planned out thing, the simple fact that every man I’ve been close to says I shouldn’t have children because I’m….well…..crazy. Okay, so I can’t drive a car effectively, make something from a recipe card without it catching on fire or being otherwise inedible, navigate through a grocery store, or change a diaper – I more or less march to the beat of my own drum and find a hard time fitting in. Not to mention, I have the maternal instinct of a sea turtle (take the kids to the beach!).
The life I am living now is more than I could have ever hoped for in my wildest dreams. I never expected to live in paradise, marry such a wonderfully awesome man, or be as content as this in the moment. It’s a catch 22. Would I regret having kids when my husband seems miles away and I’m running to and fro trying to be frugal, caught up in the stress of family life? Would I regret not having kids and traveling, and just being a wandering spirit? I don’t have the answers to these questions and as far as I’m concerned, it’s up to the Lord. His will for me is all I desire. And if I meant to have children, HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.
A fellow non-mom at work and I discussed the craziness of mother’s day on women. She had the same problem at work: they were giving out flowers to moms. No flower for us. We likened it to being single on Valentine’s Day – it just sucks – you feel out of place and ostracized. Although I suggested that I should get a flower because I made someone a Mom (my Mom – I’m the 1st born). “You donated eggs?” she asked. I cracked up. Heavens no.
But today is a new day and it’s absolutely beautiful outside. It’s too bad I have to spend it at work.
Lesson of the day: Much like V Day, please do not wish a random stranger a happy mother’s day unless they are >6 months pregnant or toting a child. Thank you.