Small Town, Volume VI

….because you can’t make this stuff up.

  • A man was charged with battery for allegedly throwing a full beer can at another man at a campground.
  • A resident called police at 0330 after he was battered by 1 of 2 strangers he found swimming in his pool without permission. Police reports said he caught one of the offenders who hit him before both got away.
  • Someone stole a $20 pair of sandals at a downtown business.
  • A fire hydrant was hit by a while car and then was apparently removed from the scene before police arrived.

Small Town, volume V

It’s baaaaack!

  • Sheriff’s Police are investigating an incident Thursday, in which tow truck operators removed a vehicle stuck on an embankment near the river and were not paid for their work.  Police said 3 males left in the vehicle after it was removed but didn’t pay the company.
  • An 18 year old man was charged with driving without a valid license and disobeying a road closed sign.
  • Sheriff’s police charged 2 male juveniles, ages 13 and 11, with curfew violations at 2am Saturday.  Police said the 2 were found skateboarding in a parking lot.
  • The throttle, engine caps, and fuel lines were reported stolen from a 2007 Harley Davidson motorcycle on Sunday.
  • 2 cars were report hit at 2 different parking lots in a 4 hour time frame.
  • Damage was estimated at $50 when a mailbox was found damaged.  Police said the post was bent and box could not be closed.
  • Someone stole 2 white metal outdoor folding chairs, a tan and green plastic garden seat, a green kneeling pad, and 2 wooden jack blocks from the campgounds.
  • A 16 year old was charged with consumption of alcohol by a minor.  They were arrested at the local high school.
  • Someone used a resident’s social security number and information to open a Dish Network account in 2006.  The account was closed in 2010, but the victim was recently called abut an outstanding bill for service, according to police.
  • A vehicle drove through fences and cornfields southeast of town.  5 property owners suffered losses in the incident.
Just another typical summer in a cornfield…..

Small Town, Volume IV

Yup, my hometown is at it again:

  • Firefighters were called to the community building and found no fire or smoke, just a piece of paper on a coffee pot burner had caught fire.
  • Police are investigating a complaint from a resident that someone unhappy with the construction work he did for them posted negative reviews on websites.  The victim said he has lost work from new customers because of those negative reviews.
  • The burglary of a home involved someone taking a video game system and components, a bracelet, camera, and computer mouse.

Small Town, Volume III

More random police blotter stories from my small hometown…..(these are actually real)…..

  • A farmer called police after finding someone had driven a rod of rebar in the middle of his field, in an apparent attempt to damage his equipment during the harvest.  The police report said the machinery shut off when it hit the rebar, preventing more damage.
  • Someone burned 2 garbage cans set at the curb in front of a home.  The victim told police that the 32 gallon cans were valued at $15 each, and were burned between 2200 and 0630.
  • A man was taken to a local hospital after his car went off the road, hit a culvert, and rolled over.  He said he swerved to avoid an oncoming vehicle with its high beams on.
  • A resident told police that several guns were taken from his home during the previous week. Guns stolen inlcuded: an AK47, .22 rifle, .223 Ruger, 0.22 handgun with ammo, 9mm pistol,  .380 handgun, a 1929 single shot shotgun, .40 rifle, and a .22 Ruger with total value at $58,750.
  • Police found a driverless vehicle rolled from a parking space into a fence, damaging the fence.
  • Police on patrol found a damaged stop sign.
  • A pool liner at a home was destroyed with someone threw 6 metal patio chairs into an above ground pool.
  • A garage door was found dented.  The owner told police that someone apparently threw landscape brinks and it and also stole a patio chair.

Small Town, Volume II

It’s time for another installment of weird events that make the police blotter in my hometown (a cornfield in Illinois):

  • A 29 year old man was changed with aggravated assault for allegedly assaulting his father with a sword in their home
  • A car parked on a residential street was damaged Tuesday when it was hit by a tree branch
  • Someone stole $60 from an unattended purse
  • Someone stole a 70 pound cement mushroom from a yard, mushroom was valued at $300
  • Damage was estimated at $100 when a car parked on the street was found scratched with the air let out of a tire
  • A man was cited for unlawful dumping for allegedly putting grass clippings in a neighbor’s yard
  • A man was charged with a DUI after witnesses reported a man driving from the passenger side of his car

Small Town, Volume I

Since I live half way across the country from my hometown (a small farming community) among the cornfields of Illinois, my parents thought it would be nice to send me a subscription to our hometown newspaper.  While it’s been 10 years since I called this town my own, I am always amused by the antics of our city council/county board (it’s like a dramatic version of a high school student council) and it’s fun to see who’s dead, getting married, engaged, or arrested – or angry in the Letters to the Editor.  Or reading about the kids I used to baby sit — cuz they just made the Dean’s list at their college.  Heh.

One of the best parts of the paper is police news.  Here in the greater Wilmington area, we are bombarded with a crime rate that is well above the national average – everything from shoot outs with police, murders, drug deals gone bad, gang violence – you name it, it’s happened here.  Yet in my small home town, the “crimes” that make the news often make me laugh – some are actually serious crimes – but most of them are not.  Here’s some of this past week’s happenings*:

  • An 18″ bone found in the river Saturday by 2 fishermen has been identified as a bovine femur, or cow’s leg bone.  The police were called after the fishermen spotted the bone washed up [on the bank].
  • A resident called police after finding her mailbox in the middle of the street.  Police said it appeared the mailbox was blown up.  Damage was estimated at $50.
  • Police were called when a small fire was discovered in a pallet behind a business downtown.  Only minor damage was reported.
  • Someone abandoned a lawn mower on 12 July on a residential street.

* This was only edited to keep the location unknown.  These actually were reported.

My favorite one still is the guy who got busted with a bag of pot in his pocket….while at the courthouse.  C’mon!  That’s just plain stupid.  And I hate to admit it, but my parents actually reported a mailbox-related crime not too long ago.  I cringed when I saw my street name and knew it was them.  It was something minor, not worth reporting.

Ah, small towns.  Stay tuned for Voume II.